RICHARD JENI, STANDUP COMIC: IN MEMORIAM (1956-2007)

Richard Jeni was a brilliant standup and a genius at making people laugh. I've seen him live many times and it was very sad that he died of a gunshot wound, an apparent suicide, according to Los Angeles Police Officer Norma Eisenman. Richard's girlfriend discovered the body Saturday morning, March 10, 2007.. Presumably, there will be an investigation. Jeni was a frequent guest on "The Tonight Show" with Johnny Carson and Jay Leno. He was proud of his HBO Specials and movies.

Richard Jeni: Irreverent, satirical, nutty, very funny stuff, but unfortunately, suicidal. His Dr. Kevorkian, the Doctor of Death jokes were prophetic!

DATING: I was single a long time and it was fun. But sooner or later you get tired of driving a car without a woman sitting next to you making you so tense you can feel your colon tying itself into a square knot.

HEALTH: We have an obesity epidemic in the United States: one out of every three Americans weighs as much as the other three.

(prophetic): Dr. Kevorkian's my man. He's the doctor who helps people die, who are so sick. They just wanna get out of here. I can't say I blame them. I've had the runs and written a suicide note. (!!!)

MARRIAGE: It's a sad fact that 50% of marriages in this country end in divorce. But the other half end in death. You could be one of the lucky ones.

Single or married, I think it's a close choice. You know what it boils down to? Whether you want to be lonely or annoyed.

SEX: The Web brings people together, 'cause no matter what type of twisted sexual mutant you happen to be, you've got millions of pals out there. Type in, "FIND PEOPLE WHO HAVE SEX WITH GOATS THAT ARE ON FIRE," and the computer will say, "SPECIFY TYPE OF GOAT."

TRAVEL: There are only two reasons to sit in back row of airport. Either you have diarrhea, or you're anxious to meet people who do.

AMERICA AND THE WORLD: I love New York, because this city is always surprising. Today I went out to a Deli. Pastrami sandwich, $13.75. Walked back out on the Street. Genuine Rolex watch, 6 bucks.

RELIGION: If you're going to war over religion, now you're just killing people in a argument over war who has the better imaginary friend.

We have to respect people who have strong religious beliefs, because if you don't, they'll kill you.

I'm Catholic...well, I'm a Catholic in the same sense that if a cow is born in a tree, then it's a bird.

Childhood and adolescence: I was born by C-section. That was the last time I had my mother's attention.

My mother never saw the irony of calling me a son-of-a-bitch!


Richard Jeni, you will be sorely missed. May you rest in peace!