Orpheum Theater, Market Street, May 2, 2007. Robin descends from replica of the Golden Gate Bridge. Attack of the 20-foot comedian. "Jump". You're up on the bridge, and they say JUMP, like a group of people who wait for you outside of rehab: "Have a drink, my friend." So nice for you to have this here, Conan, for those considering suicide -- to get used to it! You can sell it to China, use it for flowers, or take it over to Oakland and possibly use it for repair of the Bay Bridge - it's structurally sound and able to take a temperature of 3,000 Fahrenheit!
Market Street is a little like 42nd Street without Disney. We have 2 or 3 theaters and the rest is Adult Entertainment. Mr. Sticky butts, seats, feet. If you walk down Market Street, hang a left,you'll be in the Mission! Buy the fattest burrito in town! If you keep walking, you'll be in Boys Town (Castro). A bar named Moby Dick, i.e., "take a chance." Is your name Queequeg? Don't be afraid of the leg, I sharpened it for you.
Sam Wo (co-sponsored Conan O'Brien, along with Intel) is Martha Stewart's favorite restaurant. Now that she's out of prison, she's pretty much eating out all the time. Go to the Sunset District where there are Irish bars always singing songs--start out depressed and end up happy. Irish dirge: Your mother she did drown that night/upon the lighted store/I never told you this/ but your aunt she was a whore. Your father made a living putting in the parquet floor/Piss in your hat and get away/we're dancing on the door. (Tralala)
I'm obsessed with the Discovery Channel: Planet Earth. Some of the birds really have to clean up the mating area. Intense. Insect world. Black widow spiders. When they give head, they mean it. Praying mantis bites your head off. Sea turtles are the rough ones. She's about 120 years old. First of all, never get a turtle as a pet, leave them in your Will because they're going to live longer than you. You'll be dying, and the turtle's like, I'm just a child.
Movie: License to Wed. Boot Camp for people thinking of getting married. I play an unconventional reverend who has a 2-week preparation course before you get married in his church. Here's the drill: you're going to have to give up everything: no more sex, that's gone. Then we're gonna put you in a small box, and have people tell you stuff you wouldn't even read in Penthouse! (Laughter). Marriage is a long program...and you find out why some animals eat their young. Learn how to survive, be honest, fight fairly, and all those other things marriage involves. That's how you survive!
Showing posts with label 2007. Show all posts
Showing posts with label 2007. Show all posts
Wednesday, May 9, 2007
SLANTED DOOR/OUT THE DOOR: CHARLES PHAN'S URBANE VIETNAMESE/TUESDAY NIGHT TRIVIA: BACCHUS KIRK; MAY 8, 2007
The Slanted Door, 1 Ferry Building/Market St. (415-861-8032)Sister restaurant;www.slanteddoor.com. Out the Door (Westfield San Francisco Centre (Old Emporium); 845 Market Street. 11-9 Monday-Saturday; 11-8 Sunday. Charles Phan's urbane Vietnamese is the standard setter for this upscale neck of the woods in the heart of downtown San Francisco. A few of the phos I spoke with fear throngs of tourists. Their fears have been realized. Do you remember The Slanted Door in the Mission (on Valencia) in years past, when the Rolling Stones ate there. Phan has come a long way.
Les, stay-at-home bookseller, chef extraordinnaire, my wacky lacky, and I made our way to this crowded, beautiful restaurant in the Lower Level Food Court. We were greeted by a French-speaking hostess and we celebrated Les' "27-again" Birthday lured by Saigon sensations. He was disappointed; I was not. He can cook; I can not! Afterwards, I asked him what the best part of lunch was: the MOTION ACTIVATED WATER FOUNTAIN/SPIGOTS inside the Centre. Awesome! Here's what Les/I would recommend:
Rolls/Salad:
Fresh vegetarian spring rolls with tofu, shiitake mushrooms, cabbage, mint and peanut sauce (7.5)
Vermicelli/Noodles:
Alaskan halibut with turmeric, peanuts, fresh dill and pineapple-anchovy sauce over rice vermicelli (11.5)
Meat
Chicken clay pot with caramel sauce. This is Phan's signature dish and a must-have! It was tremendous in my opinion. "Bland"; "dumbed down cuisine for white guys" (Les)
Vegetables
Star Route baby chard, kale, and mizuna with garlic. (7) I've had better that I've sauteed myself.
Dessert:
Ginger tapioca with spicy ginger syrup and Asian pear (6).
Les: Let me show you how to write! (Hastily scribbled in my notebook):
"He: I was married for seven years and one morning, he stopped touching
me.
Me: He stopped touching me because he was dead. There was a knife sticking
out of his chest."
Wacky lacky, indeed.
Did you know Garum is fermented fish, and when mixed with lime juice, white rice vinegar, sugar, garlic, shallots, fresh chilies is called NUOC CHAM, a wonderful dipping sauce? Look for Squid Brand Fish Sauce, which is the best, in Asian markets. It should read, CA COM, made only with anchovies.(Life is Meals; Salters)
May Out the Door continue to thrive!
______________________________________________________________________________
BACCHUS KIRK: TRIVIA NIGHT : May 8, 2007.
Met Chris, who works as a software developer for MOFO, a large SF law firm. We made a date for the following week: Farallon! He wants to humor me with seafood and lots of lawyer jokes! It should be fun!
1. What is the tunnel north of the Golden Gate Bridge?
2. North Star found on which Constellation?
3. Julius Caesar or Caesar Augustus: Who was Roman Emperor at Christ's birth?
4. John C. Leavy Tunnel in San Francisco: What's its other name?
5. Term that means to pickle in vinegar or brine?
6. Torso of women with wings and feet of bird?
7. Fire breathing monster: goat, snake, lion?
8. Boy of man with head of bull.
9. Jayhopper State.
10.Young and Rubican: One of the largest firms in which industry?
11.Russian abbreviation equivalent of U.S.S.R.?
12.Name song/group that sang about having to shout above din of eating rice crispies.
13.Microsoft system: "system is busy" symbol?
14.Al Gore is President of what TV channel?
15.Boiling point of water on Centigrade scale?
Les, stay-at-home bookseller, chef extraordinnaire, my wacky lacky, and I made our way to this crowded, beautiful restaurant in the Lower Level Food Court. We were greeted by a French-speaking hostess and we celebrated Les' "27-again" Birthday lured by Saigon sensations. He was disappointed; I was not. He can cook; I can not! Afterwards, I asked him what the best part of lunch was: the MOTION ACTIVATED WATER FOUNTAIN/SPIGOTS inside the Centre. Awesome! Here's what Les/I would recommend:
Rolls/Salad:
Fresh vegetarian spring rolls with tofu, shiitake mushrooms, cabbage, mint and peanut sauce (7.5)
Vermicelli/Noodles:
Alaskan halibut with turmeric, peanuts, fresh dill and pineapple-anchovy sauce over rice vermicelli (11.5)
Meat
Chicken clay pot with caramel sauce. This is Phan's signature dish and a must-have! It was tremendous in my opinion. "Bland"; "dumbed down cuisine for white guys" (Les)
Vegetables
Star Route baby chard, kale, and mizuna with garlic. (7) I've had better that I've sauteed myself.
Dessert:
Ginger tapioca with spicy ginger syrup and Asian pear (6).
Les: Let me show you how to write! (Hastily scribbled in my notebook):
"He: I was married for seven years and one morning, he stopped touching
me.
Me: He stopped touching me because he was dead. There was a knife sticking
out of his chest."
Wacky lacky, indeed.
Did you know Garum is fermented fish, and when mixed with lime juice, white rice vinegar, sugar, garlic, shallots, fresh chilies is called NUOC CHAM, a wonderful dipping sauce? Look for Squid Brand Fish Sauce, which is the best, in Asian markets. It should read, CA COM, made only with anchovies.(Life is Meals; Salters)
May Out the Door continue to thrive!
______________________________________________________________________________
BACCHUS KIRK: TRIVIA NIGHT : May 8, 2007.
Met Chris, who works as a software developer for MOFO, a large SF law firm. We made a date for the following week: Farallon! He wants to humor me with seafood and lots of lawyer jokes! It should be fun!
1. What is the tunnel north of the Golden Gate Bridge?
2. North Star found on which Constellation?
3. Julius Caesar or Caesar Augustus: Who was Roman Emperor at Christ's birth?
4. John C. Leavy Tunnel in San Francisco: What's its other name?
5. Term that means to pickle in vinegar or brine?
6. Torso of women with wings and feet of bird?
7. Fire breathing monster: goat, snake, lion?
8. Boy of man with head of bull.
9. Jayhopper State.
10.Young and Rubican: One of the largest firms in which industry?
11.Russian abbreviation equivalent of U.S.S.R.?
12.Name song/group that sang about having to shout above din of eating rice crispies.
13.Microsoft system: "system is busy" symbol?
14.Al Gore is President of what TV channel?
15.Boiling point of water on Centigrade scale?
Tuesday, March 13, 2007
PUNCHLINE: WOWIE ZOWIE! HOT COMICS: MONDAY, MARCH 12, 2007
Monday Night Comics: www.punchlinecomedyclub.com (Battery at Clay): The Great Dane and author Paul met me at this cutting edge club for "local" comedy talent night:
Stacy, a DJ from San Jose: San Jose is geeky engineers by day; ghetto at night. Daytime: laptop; Nighttime: lapdance. Daytime: Conference call; Nighttime: Booty call. Where I work, my fave geek wears a memory card around his neck (is that geek bling); we call him notorious MP3. Geeks when they go crazy in the heart of Silicon Valley, erase a bunch of shit from the hard drive! Dinner tonight at Baker St. Bistro where the median age is deceased. Opened my menu and a bingo card fell out.
Greg Edwards, African-American: I'm an actor, a comedian--that means I don't have a job. Best superhero is batman, 'cause he doesn't have any superpowers. Don't know about you but being rich is a superpower. I grew up in Virginia in a broken home. Everybody in the house was broke. Moved to Oakland where they call an ambulance a shuttle bus. A lot of rich people in the Bay. All have Ipods. 300 dollars for a walkman. In 10 years we'll all be deaf and Apple will be selling Ihear. Deafness is the new black! I love shoes, and buy them at different places EXCEPT Athlete's Foot! That's like going to a Chicken diner called Salmonella. McDonald's on Mad Cow Monday. Mexicans buying books from Borders!
Ken Avery, African-American: I was hanging out in Golden Gate Park today with a dude training for a Marathon! 26 miles? If anyone's going to do 26 miles, there better be some shit at the end like Michael Jackson tells all. We learn about the children and that MONKEY!
Dava Straus: MySpace Profile? Sitting on my ass smoking weed! Joined a sorority in college: Alpha Bulimic. We liked to puke a lot. Now in a GU relationship. He uses cellphone, cheap bastard so relationship doesn't start until after 9:00 p.m. Phone sex. I dumped him over email...Now dating Mr. Perfect, never had a cavity in his life. He's now reading Kamasutra for men: one page only, "stick it in."
Reggie Steele, African-American: I have a friend whose single goal is to get wasted. He's like, it's Tuesday, I'm gonna get messed up. No matter how much I drink, he says, I gotta eat my vegetables. That's like saying I can have unprotected sex with women cause I take my multi-vitamins.
ROB CANTRELL: Voted BEST COMEDIAN for the night lives in New York (graduate of Denison College, Ohio): See his profile: www.myspace.com/robcantrell.
Stacy, a DJ from San Jose: San Jose is geeky engineers by day; ghetto at night. Daytime: laptop; Nighttime: lapdance. Daytime: Conference call; Nighttime: Booty call. Where I work, my fave geek wears a memory card around his neck (is that geek bling); we call him notorious MP3. Geeks when they go crazy in the heart of Silicon Valley, erase a bunch of shit from the hard drive! Dinner tonight at Baker St. Bistro where the median age is deceased. Opened my menu and a bingo card fell out.
Greg Edwards, African-American: I'm an actor, a comedian--that means I don't have a job. Best superhero is batman, 'cause he doesn't have any superpowers. Don't know about you but being rich is a superpower. I grew up in Virginia in a broken home. Everybody in the house was broke. Moved to Oakland where they call an ambulance a shuttle bus. A lot of rich people in the Bay. All have Ipods. 300 dollars for a walkman. In 10 years we'll all be deaf and Apple will be selling Ihear. Deafness is the new black! I love shoes, and buy them at different places EXCEPT Athlete's Foot! That's like going to a Chicken diner called Salmonella. McDonald's on Mad Cow Monday. Mexicans buying books from Borders!
Ken Avery, African-American: I was hanging out in Golden Gate Park today with a dude training for a Marathon! 26 miles? If anyone's going to do 26 miles, there better be some shit at the end like Michael Jackson tells all. We learn about the children and that MONKEY!
Dava Straus: MySpace Profile? Sitting on my ass smoking weed! Joined a sorority in college: Alpha Bulimic. We liked to puke a lot. Now in a GU relationship. He uses cellphone, cheap bastard so relationship doesn't start until after 9:00 p.m. Phone sex. I dumped him over email...Now dating Mr. Perfect, never had a cavity in his life. He's now reading Kamasutra for men: one page only, "stick it in."
Reggie Steele, African-American: I have a friend whose single goal is to get wasted. He's like, it's Tuesday, I'm gonna get messed up. No matter how much I drink, he says, I gotta eat my vegetables. That's like saying I can have unprotected sex with women cause I take my multi-vitamins.
ROB CANTRELL: Voted BEST COMEDIAN for the night lives in New York (graduate of Denison College, Ohio): See his profile: www.myspace.com/robcantrell.
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