STEVEN WRIGHT: GEORGE BUSH HAD A QUICKSAND BOX IN HIS BACK YARD...WAS AN ONLY CHILD...EVENTUALLY!

My friend Hope Kochiss, retired Kindergarten teacher, New Haven, CT., supplied this joke from Steven Wright. I just changed the name to George Bush. Here's Steve but you have to imagine him doing that monotone mumble and flat lined vocal cadence:

Having sex with his girlfriend was like being at a concert--a lot of screaming, yelling, throwing of frisbees, and when she wanted more, she lit a match.

When I (read: George Bush) was a kid, we had a quicksand box in the backyard. I was an only child...eventually.

My friend has a baby. I'm writing down all the noises he makes so later I can ask him what he meant.

I had a dream midgets were trying to assassinate me, so I bought a bullet-proof car. But since they were midgets, I bought a convertible.

When I was a kid, I had a friend who worked in a radio station. Whenever we walked under a bridge, you couldn't understand what he said.

Babies don't need a vacation, but I still see them at the beach. It pissed me off. I'll go over and say, "What are you doing here? You haven't worked a day in your life."

When I was in the Boy Scouts, I tripped on the ice, and hurt my ankle, a little old lady had to help me across the street.

You think when they asked George Washington for his ID, he just took out a quarter?

My theory on Evolution? I think Darwin was adopted.

On weather: If it's zero degrees out today, and it's supposed to be twice as cold tomorrow, how cold is it going to be???

Everywhere is walking distance, if you have the time!