BRANDY HO'S:CHANGE FROM MUNDANE CHINESE;PETER'S JOKE OF THE WEEK

Brandy Ho's; 271 Columbus; (415) 788-7527.www.brandyhos.com. The first thing you notice upon entering is the large banner proclaiming ABSOLUTELY NO MSG. The restaurant doth protest too much, me thinks. Incendiary insiders insist this excellent Chinatown Human resource is numero uno for fairly priced flavor intensive chow from a menu designed for both the adventurous and the staid. You might want to specify mild or medium unless you have an asbestos mouth. The decor has the usual tacky ornamentation (plastic plants, flower pots separating the diners). Regulars prefer to sit at the bar and watch the wok folks at work.

Have an egg roll, Mr. Goldstone
Have a napkin, have a chopstick, have a chair!
Have a spare rib, Mr. Goldstone-
Any spare rib that I can spare, I'd be glad to share!
(Stephen Sondheim, Mr. Goldstone, I Love You, 1959).

This is definitely a go-to place for the financial district crowd. What with excellent book browsing at City Lights, sluicing, and cheery conversation and what-not, an afternoon can pass quite happily.

The restaurant does not pass out knives but they should if you opt for the calamari with black bean sauce and brown rice as I did. BIG MISTAKE! It was a very disappointing: rubbery, tasteless and the sauce not as fiery as I would have liked.(9.95). Regulars at the next table insist that you should avoid the smoked items and keep it simple! Diced boneless chicken with string beans marinated with ginger, garlic and hot bean sauce fits the bill. (8.50). Peter ordered the Lunch Bar Special (Hunan style spicy beef with mixed veggies). A real deal at just $6.95. Skip the desserts. Is there such a thing as Sugar Replacement Therapy? Yeah, it's called Chocolate. Best to bring your own. Make mine Godiva!

PETER'S JOKE OF THE WEEK:

Hi-Tech Restaurant.
A man walked into a very high-tech restaurant in a fancy hotel. As he waited to be seated, he noticed that the Maitre D' was a robot. The robot clicked to attention and said, "Sir, there is a one hour wait. And I am programmed to converse with you until a table is ready, if you please. Intrigued, the man said, "OK". The robot clicked a couple more times and then asked, "Sir, what is your IQ?" The man answered, "Oh, about 164." The robot then proceeded to discuss the theory of relativity, interstellar space travel, the latest medical breakthrough, etc. The man was most impressed. The next day he returned, but thought he would try a different tact.

The robot again asked, "What is your IQ, sir?" This time the man answered, "Oh, about 100". So the robot started discussing NASCAR racing, the latest basketball scores, and what to expect the Red Sox to do this weekend. The guy had to try it one more time. So the next day he returned.. Again the robot asked the question, "What is your IQ?" This time the man drawled out, "Uh...about 50." The robot clicked, then leaned close and very slowly asked,
"A-r-e y-o-u-r p-e-o-p-l-e
g-o-i-n-g t-o
n-o-m-i-n-a-t-e
H-i-l-l-a-r-y?"