Wednesday, May 16, 2007

FARALLON: UNDERWATER FANTASY LURES UNION SQUARE SEA LOVERS: MAY 15, 2007; LAWYER JOKES

Farallon; 450 Post Street (Mason); (415)956-6969; www.farallon restaurant.com. M-Th, 5:30-10; F-S:5:30-ll;S: 5-10. They should hand out snorkels at the door of this upscale seafood restaurant located smack-dab in the middle of Union Square. Chef Marc Franz' Farallon succeeds in luring pre-theater goers, tourists, and locals seafood lovers. Every thing about it would impress Captain Nemo.

I met Chris, software developer for the largest law firm in San Francisco. I call him the "madhatter" --he loves hats and he promised he'd come armed with lawyer jokes to keep me amused. I wondered if Chris' motto is "live fast, die young, and leave a good looking corpse. NO! He is an enthusiastic bicyclist, underwater/ wildlife photographer, and has travelled to most of the rain forests of the world. He has lead an exciting life and swamped me the whole evening in a sea of words.

Chris has been dragged by an orangutan in Borneo, snorkeled the great Barrier Reef of Australia, run with the bulls in Spain, and photographed probably the lone jaguar in Belize. He is still searching for the girl of his dreams, and when he finds her will promise, the sun, moon, stars! Or so he says, and he strikes me as a man of his word.

He also graciously bought me an autographed copy of Farallon: Very Best of Seafood Cuisine. (Chronicle Books, $40.00). My beautiful older sister, Helen, has a Birthday in July and now she knows what a gorgeous gift she'll receive for being so warm, sweet, and generous herself over the years. She is the Matriarch of her family and has cooked many extraordinary meals for husband, son, grandchildren, Alexis and Tyler, and me, over the years!

Chris and I immediately got into the swim of things in this "underwater Grotto", an over-the-top Downtown wonderland that feels like a surreal Aquarium. The decor is jaw-dropping, replete with giant jellyfish lights hanging overhead, sea kelp columns, floors with ocean mosaics of sole and crab. I wondered whether the pampering service everyone talks about would live up to its reputation. I ordered a glass of Fermet Branca (Italian herbal drink) and Chris, a glass of Chardonnay.

The General Manager, Chris, seated us and gave me a guided tour. A very mellow soundtrack lures you in. There is no steady drum beat competing. Instead an IPOD play list can be faintly heard beneath the cacophony of human voices. How pleasant!

The menu obviously looks to the sea. The entrees are high-level surf 'n turf: walleyed pike, black bass, wild king salmon, Alaskan halibut, white sturgeon. Landlubbers don't have to fret: rib eye of beef and fillet of beef rounds out menu. It is noted that Farallon supports farms, ranches, and fisheries that are guides by principles of sustainability.

A taste of the good life does not come cheap in San Francisco. The dishes are sophisticated, refined but simple.

Here are some things I would recommend you order:

Appetizer:
Arugula and sweet fennel salad (ruby grapefruit, hazelnuts, Pecorino Romano) 14

English Pea Ravioli
Fresh morels, squash blossoms, nasturtium butter (18)

Entrees:

Roasted Alaskan Halibut
Served with asparagus risotto, lemongrass, nasturtium flower (36)

Roasted Maryland Black Bass
Sugar snap peas, baby artichokes, foie gras sauce (38)

Grilled Estancia Rib eye of Beef
Fingerling potato hash, Maitake mushrooms, Sauce Bearnaise (38): Excellent choice: the sauce was perfect

Skillet Roasted Fillet of Beef
Shoestring potatoes, blue cheese, water cross, Madeira (39)
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Chris' lawyer jokes (internal jokes of the day at www.mofo.com):

Why don't sharks eat lawyers?
Answer: Professional courtesy!

Throw a lawyer and a snake out of a plane --who dies first?
Answer: Who cares?

A lawyer buys some expensive Cuban cigars and insures them for $15,000 against loss by fire. He smokes all of them down to small butts, and files a "frivolous" claim. The Judge agrees with opposing counsel that the claim is frivolous but awards the lawyer his $15,000. On the day that the lawyer cashes the check, however, the insurance company charges him with arson. He is sentenced to 6 months in prison

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